The Isolation of Motherhood

Long before we had our son, my husband and I discussed our options of what to do with the baby once he got here. After a long time of crunching numbers we decided that we would save more money with me staying home with him. That day it was decided that I would be a stay at home mom. After I had him I looked into his little face I knew that I couldn’t leave him. Don’t get me wrong I love staying home with my sweet baby boy, however, being a stay at home mom comes with a sense of isolation. During my pregnancy I lost some of my friends. I couldn’t hangout much because of the hyperemesis. After I had my son it seemed my friends slowly started to disappear. It was hard. I love spending my days with my baby. However, the lack of adult interaction is something I miss. I would message my friends to see how they were, they would either read and ignore my messages or not even read my messages at all. Slowly I sunk into a sadness. What did I do wrong? How come they didn’t want to talk to me anymore? It has been something that I struggled with. I have found some new friends though. Nothing in this world is as amazing as other mommy friends. They understand the isolation. They know sometimes you have to cancel plans because your little one comes first. I still miss and struggle with the lose of my old friends, however, if they were truly my friends they would have stuck around. Thank God for my mom friends who keep me sane. Hopefully the bigger Emerson gets the easier it will become♡ Until stay strong and find your tribe

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Why we keep a flexible schedule

Having a newborn can be tough. There is much controversy over if you should have your baby on a schedule or not. This is avout the schedule I have my baby on. We started getting Emerson on a schedule once we got home from the hospital. With that being said the schedule has changed slightly as he has grown and changed. We like our schedule however it is highly flexible. Something though we allow less flex with than other. Here is a peek at our schedule that has worked well for us.

Monday

Every Monday is clip the nails day. We do it after his first morning feeding. This is one thing that I don’t allow flexibility on. I hate clipping his nails and he hates having it done so we get it out of the way first thing in the week. Usually Monday is bath day for Emerson, this is flexible for us. If we have an event coming up or a major blow out we will get a bath then. We like to bathe him every three days. That is usually our main things for Monday.

Tuesday

On Tuesday we usually take to relax. We make sure nothing needs done. It’s a pretty calm day.

Wednesday

On Wednesday is laundry day. We wash Emerson’s laundry.

Thursday

On Thursday we usually get a bath today. We rechecked to make sure his nails don’t need trimmed.

Friday

On Friday we have another calm day.

Saturday and Sunday

We spend time with family members these days. He goes and visit his great grandparents. We sometimes have family members over. He spends quality time with his daddy so I can get some housework done.

Our Daily schedule

8 Am-Wake up time, this is not flexible we are out of the room at 8 every morning

10 am- Get Dressed, this is flexible if we have doctors appointments and such. However no later than 10 we both are dressed for the day. Every morning he gets lotions put on and dressed.

Around noon- We have tummy time and read at least two books. This is flexible depending on when he eats and his naps.

Around 3- We do more tummy time, singing, or reading. We try to have an active time. If it is nice we will go for a walk outside. This is flexible it depends on his feedings and naps

6 pm- Daddy’s home from work!! During the week my husband gets home from work around 6. During this time Emerson and him play together, read, sometimes my husband plays the piano for him. While they spend time for together I make dinner and do some house work.

9 pm- no later than 9pm we are in the bed room with the lights dimmed. Usually between 8 to 9 he eats his last feeding before bed. Keeping this in a calm environment no later than 9 has helped us get him in a routine. He usually goes to sleep and sleeps 6 to 7 hrs before his next feeding.

Flexibility during the day

Emerson’s feeds are flexible, he eats usually every three hours during the day. I feed him when he is hungry, I don’t make him go so long between feedings. I feed him on demand. However, before every feeding we do a diaper change. Diaper changes are as need throught the day, obviously. We also try to take a nap either in our living room bassinet or in his crib. This a look at our day and what has worked for us!

Thanksgiving

We got to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family this year with an extra special guest. This year I am thankful for my sweet baby boy. He is happy and healthy. Sometimes I sit and stare at him, how was my chubby baby the size of a poppy seed in the beginning. I don’t know about you but that blows my mind. I look at him and I’m in awe that I use to carry him inside of me. At times it doesn’t seem possible, how could I make such a perfect human being? I don’t remember what life was like before him and I would hate to imagine life without him. He has become my whole world. I loved him since I heard his first heartbeat. Once he was placed in my arms on October 7th I knew he would be my everything. So this year I am grateful and truly thankful for the opportunity to be his mommy♡

Things I wish I knew before labor

I was unprepared for motherhood and labor. I was in nursing school and had went though my OB rotation. Yet, I was still unprepared. I thought I knew what to expect. I had read the books, went to the classes, heck I had even seen both a vaginal and c-section. However, I was not prepared. Here is a few things I wish I had known before labor.

Your contractions will feel like period cramps

False. My contractions didn’t not feel like period cramps. I never really heard of back labor, but oh my gosh I would of rather had the cramps. I had back labor which literally felt like someone sawing my lower back in half. It was terrible!

You don’t have a quick labor the first time

Haha. Excuse me while I laugh. I went from 3 cm dialated to 6 cm in a matter of 3 hours. I know this might be true for some but for others it isn’t true. I thought I wouldn’t dialate quickly so I begged my husband to take me home. I was convinced that a shower would help my back! Thankfully he didn’t listen and took me straight to the hospital. Moral of the story is if you think you may have dialated more go back to the doctor’s.

Epidurals

They are supposed to work great at relieving pain. However, I did not know that they don’t always work and that they don’t always get it in the first try. It took two long attempts to get my epidural started. The first attempt left me with a spot on my back that is still sore today because obviously I have in the words of the anesthesiologist “a touch of scoliosis”. The second attempt was higher on my back and only worked for maybe 30 minutes. So, epidurals don’t always work.

Lidocaine and stitches

I had never had stitches before. After the birth of my baby boy I ended up needing several rows of stitches. One thing I was unprepared for was how bad the lidocaine would hurt. The doctor told me he was going to numb me before he started stitching me up. Oh my word! It felt like a yellow jacket was stinging my lady parts. During the time I thought man it probably would have hurt less without the lidocaine. I was not expecting that!

Pushing

How the heck are you supposed to push a baby out of there? I had no clue how to push. People say it is like pooping, which is true in a sense. For me the first couple of pushes I delt like an idiot. Am I doing this right? Is this doing anything? I don’t know how to actually describe it but I soon figured it out! It only took me 30 minutes of pushing (Praise the Lord) to get my little bundle of joy here. Needless to say your instincts will take over and you will be thinking just get this baby out of me!

Recovery

No one told me how awful you felt afterwards. I kinda knew i would feel rough but I never dreamed Ibwpuld feel as bad as I did. I had tried my best to get in shape for delivery, I would everyday and do some light exercising, but nothing prepared me for the complete exhaustion I would feel. It was a new level of tired I had never felt before. I had never been so tired that I couldn’t keep my eyes open until after the birth of my son. I was not prepared for that. Also, no one told me you shouldn’t look down there. I made the mistake of looking less than 24hrs after labor and what I saw was terrifying at the time. Like how does it look like that!? Needless to say no matter how curious you are, DON’T look down there. Give it some time first, I promise it will go back to looking more normal. These are a few things I wished I had known before labor. Unprepared or totally prepared you got this! That precious baby will get here soon enough.

Why I Hold You

I could put you down in your bassinet, but you are sleeping so soundly.

I could lay you in your crib, but your hands are wrapped around my fingers.

I could lay you in your pack-n-play, but your fingers are wrapped in my hair.

I could be doing the laundry, the dishes, or vacuuming the floor. Instead I choose to hold you.

People tell me that I am going to spoil you. That you need to be put down every time you are asleep, however I ignore them and hold you a little closer. I have seen the studies about how baby wearing leads to less crying and a more secure infant. I also know that someday you will be to big to hold. In a blink of an eye you will be walking and won’t want to be held. Another blink, you will be off to school. Blink again, you will graduate and be off to college. Before I know it you will be married and have children of your own. So for now, I will hold you. Everything else can wait. My To Do List my grow longer, however I don’t care. I will hold you and sneak a kiss or two on the top of your little head. These moments go by to fast, so I will enjoy them while they last. Mommy loves you Emerson.

P.S: Before I get any backlash, I am always awake when I hold him when he is asleep. Also at night, he sleeps in a bassinet in our room.

He just what on the couch!?

“He just what on the couch!?” My husband yells from the other room. It had happened. While changing my precious little baby, he crapped on our couch. Projectile right of hus butt, all over the couch and on my leg. I sat there shocked. I

t was our second day home, after having some lovely tearing and two blood transfusions I had set up a command center on our couch, since I was supposed to take it easy. I had changed him many time on the couch with no problem. But today I  lifted his little legs to slip his diaper underneath his tiny baby butt and like pulling the lever on a soft serve machine it shot out. I scared me so bad I let out a little yell, getting my husband’s attention. “What happened?” He yelled from our kitchen. “He just $#!@ on the couch!” I yelled back. “He just what on the couch?!” He yelled back. I then yelled back “He just shot crap out of his butt onto the couch  and my leg!!”. With that being said my husband slipped his head around the corner to see the mess our precious little angel just made. We made eye contact and busted into laughter.

These are the moments that make you laugh, even when you are exhausted. This parenting thing is hard, I’m not going to lie. Somedays I think I can’t do this, I am not cracked out for this. Then there is moments that prove its okay not to be prefect. He is going to make messes. He may cry uncontrollably for no reason. He is even going to crap on the couch. But as long as he is feed, happy, and healthy at the end of the day I did a good job. When he is older he isn’t going to remember if the house was clean, he is going to remember how much we loved him and supported him. So at the end of the day we are imperfectly perfect parents just trying to survive. Stay strong and don’t worry about the crap on the couch. IMG_20181026_120431_358

P.S: I did clean the poop off the couch

Month One of Motherhood

We did it! Yes, we kept him alive for one month! The first month of motherhood has been a crazy rollercoaster of emotions. The main thing for month one was survival. Keep him alive and keep myself sane. The first night home was exhausting, not because Emerson was  acting up but because of the overwhelming anxiety.

What if i don’t hear him cry?            What if he spits up and chokes to death? Oh my gosh, what about SIDS?              All fears that lead to me having a complete melt down as I held my little tiny baby in my arms. My husband staring at me helplessly, not knowing how to fix the problem. That night I didn’t go to bed until 2AM, mainly out of sheer exhaustion. The next few days that followed was full of me randomly busting into tears at the drop of a dime. I was exhausted. It felt like I had been hit by a truck. My husband only had one week off from work, so at the end of the week I knew that following Monday I would be on my own with the baby. Thank God for my momma, who would drop anything to come out and watch Emerson just for me to get a nap or shower. She kept me sane during this month. IMG_20181011_122632_522What also kept me going this first month is this boys smiling face. He truly is a great baby. The “baby blues” is a real thing, I didn’t believe it when I first read about it. I spent the first few weeks busting into tears and feeling like I couldn’t do this. Then this little boy would flash me his gummy smile and everything would feel right in the world. IMG_20181015_110645_981We had a month full of first. First time pooping/peeing on mom, first sleepless night, and my favorite his first real bath. There was much anxiety on my part on giving him his first. Would he cry the whole time? Prayers please God don’t let me drop him. I filled the tub and prepared for what might be an unenjoyable experience. My husband brought him into the bathroom to me. The moment of truth was here. I lowered his little nake body into the tub planning on him screaming. Instead he started to kick his legs and smile. He loved it! It was great! All my anxieties melted way as this little guy kicked around in the water.

It has been a long tiring month but we have made it! Covered in sweat, tears, poop, pee, and spit up but we did it! He is happy and healthy, mommy is less tired and still figuring out this mom thing but that’s okay. We are getting into a routine of things and loving getting to experience life together. Here is one month down and many more to go!IMG_20181107_110105_633